I’ve always been a singer. The proof is in my mom’s dusty VHS tapes where you can rewind back to me at the age of five, singing “Hit Me Baby One More Time” off key while holding my CD player in one hand and driving my barbie jeep with the other. Music is in my bones. It’s just a part of my make up, and I would almost go so far as to say music is in all of our bones (but I’ll ask God about that later because I have no idea).
Because music is who I am, more than just my emotions are affected by the words and sounds. I am physically moved by the music I listen to. In my teenage years, constantly listening to negatively influencing music kept me on a downward spiral. I was depressed, oppressed, hurt and angry. Depressing and angry music did nothing to help that. It took me a while to see that.
Back then, every night driving home after I finished doing whatever self-destructive activity I was doing, I would change my radio to the local Christian radio station. The songs literally gave me peace on my drive home. It was as if I could subconsciously feel my near death approaching due to the dangerous choices I was making and so I spent my drive home in literal terror. Hearing the Godly music in my under-the-influence state, brought me into sound mind and made me feel safe. Though I was by no means obeying the words of the songs that I was hearing, my spirit was being calmed and ministered to. It was a slow process, but eventually a change happened in me that could never be reversed. I surrendered my life to Jesus.
It is no coincidence that God would now have me minister in an area of darkness that Christ shined His light on. I have always loved singing, writing songs, and playing instruments; but at the same time, I was so terrified of performing. Intimidation, fear, striving for perfection and low self-worth/image have been my set backs for many, many years in a lot of areas of my life. But God has been completing the good work He started in me, and delivering me from those strongholds. He leaves nothing unfinished in us. Now I embrace my imperfections and submit to God’s training for me to be all that I can be through them. Right now, I am learning how to align my mind with me spirit; using my practical skills while also surrendering myself to the Holy Spirit’s power at work in me. There has been a huge transformation in this area of my life, and its all thanks to Jesus. Not by my might or my power, but by His spirit (Zechariah 4:6).
Over the past two years, a shift in my being has occurred. Worship has moved from being a hidden expression of music to an actual way of life. Praise and worship of the Father has become my exhale, yet somehow also my inhale, more connecting than words and more intimate than any physical touch. I can’t even really explain it in my own human descriptions because it is such a Heavenly thing. Worship is more than music and angelic voices . Praise and worship is a banner, a weapon of mass destruction against the darkness, a blanket in the winter.
I feel the fire burning with in me to help raise that banner up, to take up that sword, to clothe this cold, depressed world with Christ’s garment of praise. The walls of fear and intimidation have come crashing down, and my true identity in Christ now reigns in my body/mind/soul. There’s no going back from here.
My desire is to continue writing songs for God and about God to point the world to the One who changed my life (Psalm 40:3). My music is inspired by the Holy Spirit through God’s Word, and I hope to join the already occurring revival by getting my songs out to the world. It’s time for us as believers to rise up, to know who we really are, what we can do, and destroy the darkness with our Light! We all have giftings and callings, and God wants to partner with us to change the world. Instead of running from the lions..we can chase them and demolish them.
Walking out God’s calling over my life is not always without a challenge. I have spent the last two weeks working harder than ever. Waking up at the crack of dawn with my kids, doing my constant daily tasks, and going to bed at one in the morning so I can record songs and edit videos after the kids are asleep. It’s not simple but it is fun. I’m excited to see what God has in store. And He is no respecter of persons! He has fun exciting stuff in store for you as well! Write out your passions and dreams, form a plan to get them going, and commit the dreams to God
“Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.” (Proverbs 16:3 NKJV)
“The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9 ESV)
He already knows your desires and dreams! He wants to bring them to pass for His glory and according to His will because He delights in YOU!