I will be okay

I think back on some of the key, climatic moments in my life where I felt as though I really needed to see God’s power come and turn everything around. I remember in those moments hearing one, small whisper gently caress my mind: “it will be okay

I recall wondering how that phrase could’ve possibly been God’s voice, when those words were deemed simple and overused? But it never fails! Every time something crucial happens and I start praying for God’s help (either physical, spiritual or mental), those four words float through my mind. “It will be okay”
But still I so easily deny that those words are God’s and doubt that whatever “it” is will truly be okay.
Will it be okay? Because deep down, I constantly remind myself of times when it wasn’t.

I wear stress, anxiety, worry and fear like an ugly sweater. Every time plans don’t go the way I imagined or expected, I put one (or all) of those bad boys on! I have built up graven images in my mind of the way I think or expect situations or conversations should go. And the moment circumstances and people veer off from that idol I have built, inner Lacey (and outer) panics. I have battled these demons for the majority of my life: fear, anxiety, worry, and stress..and let’s not even bring up depression. 

Actually…let’s. 

Depression is the monster that lurks beneath the surface of all of these other beasts-it only rises after I’ve let these minor monsters make me vulnerable. But we will get back to that one. 

So these ugly sweaters, I like to put on: fear, anxiety, worry, stress, and occasionally depression. They are poisons that leak into my mind and create other issues, like paranoia. This symptom , paranoia, makes me sketched out, afraid, judgey, and  even brings me to bare false witness & accuse all who don’t line up with my graven images of ‘what should be’. It makes me build a fortress around myself and keep people at a ‘healthy’ distance..just in case they decide to abandon me. This unhealthy thought life is literally insane and this is sometimes my thought life we’re talking about here.

How can an acclaimed follower of Christ, such as myself, so easily resort back to the toxic thinking that riddled their old life? 



My mission was to discover if anyone in the Bible struggled with keeping on the mind of Christ like I do; and of course the Lord never ceases to relate and reveal!
Before I go into my study, let me just take a second to counter a lie from the adversary. The lie that the strongholds and struggles we face are secluded to just us and that we are alone in our trials. Loneliness is a lie intended to keep us in our pit of despair. There is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9)-every battle, every struggle, and every sin has been experienced before and conquered!!

Now back to my mission. I found a ton of people in the Bible that experienced this mental health battle that I’m talking about: Moses, Jonah, Job, Elijah, David. Even Jesus Himself saw the struggle He was to face and was sorrowful and filled with grief (Isaiah 53:3). However, it’s what Jesus does in the garden of Gethsemane that shows us how to overcome these fleshly emotional toxins.
The one story that God highlighted for me out of all of these was the one of Elijah the prophet. Elijah witnessed Elyon, the Lord of heavenly armies, destroy hundreds of false prophets. Elijah was God’s voice to the people of Israel. God literally fed Elijah from the mouths of birds and worked through Elijah to raise a boy from the dead! Elijah saw the power of God first hand. Like me, Elijah loved God, believed in God, and actively sought God…and after all this evidence of power, he still found himself afraid, hopeless, and suicidal. Let’s take a look at this..

• read 1 Kings 19

 

Some challenges we face trigger these buried monsters: fear, anxiety, worry, stress, and depression (to name a few). All it takes is one push from an outside source and we throw off all truth, submitting to the mental monsters of our past and forgetting God. In Elijah’s case, all it took was a message from the wicked Jezebel and Elijah went running in fear into the wilderness. He ditched his servant, isolating himself and began to dwell in his mental junk. His prayer to God under that tree can be broken down into three parts:
1. Elijah was overwhelmed
2. Elijah wanted it to end
3. Elijah put on the guilt and shame of his fathers
“This is too much for me. I wish it would all go away. I’m just like so-and-so who spiraled out of control and destroyed their lives.” Can anyone relate to this?
When fear, anxiety, worry, stress (overwhelmed), and depression take over our thoughts, it’s not always the power of God that will change our hearts and minds. In fact, the power of God is the first thing we forget when the carnal thoughts takeover. What eternally changes our bad thinking, and, in return, our decision-making is God’s presence. In this story, at this time of Eljiah’s mentally unstable climax, God wanted Elijah to see that He wasn’t in the mighty wind that split the mountain or the earthquake. God was in the whisper- the still, small voice! “It will be okay
God’s power is INCREDIBLE! God is a miracle worker, and that is an important part of who He is. But as we can see, it is easy for us finite humans to forget the infinitely powerful God. In order for us to change our toxic thought life and remember our all-powerful God, we must transform our finite minds into that of the Infinite. How? By pressing in to God’s presence! By intentionally listening for that still, small voice in the storm. It’s a continual process to develop the mind of Christ! (Romans 12:2), and it’s one we have to be intentional with.

Before writing this article today, I read 1 Kings 19, this story of Elijah and I weeped. The renewing of my mind, the healthy thought life that I seek, is found in God’s presence. Want to know the best part? God literally dwells in me! I have continual access to the presence of God! Renewing my mind..the ‘ing’ at the end of the word tells us that it’s an ongoing process. We must actively listen and look for His presence. This story revealed to me that I’ve been speaking deliverance over myself from all of these mental beasts, rebuking the devil from making me feel these different ways, but really these are just symptoms of buried heart issues that I haven’t let the presence of God come in and heal. “IT WILL BE OKAY!”
Wow those four words are chicken soup for my soul! There is power in God’s presence. Cleaning out my thought life is a work in progress. However, by the blood of the Lamb (which has made my body a temple of the living God whose presence can transform me) and by the word of my testimony (a testimony of VICTORY because He was able to save me so He can definitely take care of whatever comes my way)

I will overcome.

how to press into God’s presence: pray, read the Bible, surround yourselves with believers of Christ,  and listen for that whisper from God! The Voice is always there.

Healing the Soul Wounds

This is a Bible study! So whip out your bible and find healing through Jesus as we go deeper into the word and see what God has to offer us!

BODY, SPIRIT, SOUL

We are created in the image of God (Genesis 1:26). God is a trinity (Genesis 1:1-2, Matthew 28:19). Humans are also triune beings (composed of 3 ‘parts’) because we are made in God’s image

“For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword–piercing right through to a separation of soul and spirit, joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”-‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭4:12‬ ‭TLV‬‬

Here we have mention of our soul, our spirit, and our body.

Our body is our flesh or our physical ‘self’
Read Psalms 16:9

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Our Spirit is the sphere of God-consciousness within us where regeneration or becoming like Christ takes place. The Holy Spirit dwells here and guides our spirit
Read Job‬ ‭32:8‬ ‭‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

 “The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God,”
-Romans‬ ‭8:16‬ NKJV‬‬‬‬ 

Read Luke‬ ‭1:46-47‬ ‭‬‬‬

We can not magnify the Lord until we have recognized Christ as our Savior with in our spirit

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נֶ֫פֶשׁ – ‘Nephesh’ is the Hebrew root word used in the Old Testament for “life of the flesh” and in the New Testament becomes the Greek word ψυχή – ‘’psyche‘ or ‘soul‘. We received our souls within our physical body when God created us and breathed His breath of life into us.-Read Genesis 2:7

The soul is where our will, feelings, passions, emotions, affections, right from wrong, lusts, and desires occur. The soul is something Satan is after, what he seeks to corrupt, and what he attempts to minister to- Read 1 Peter 2:11

A Biblical example of a desire within our soul: The Story of Dinah

But Hamor spoke with them, saying, “The soul of my son Shechem longs for your daughter. Please give her to him as a wife.” Genesis 34:8

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HEALING THE SOUL WOUNDS

Soul wounds are inflicted on our souls either through our own sinful nature or through someone sinning against us

Dinah’s pain from being taken advantage of and the pain her brothers felt for her- read Genesis 34

Soul wounds manifest into our lives in many different ways: emotional trauma from an occurrence inflicting painful emotions within us, desire that has been corrupted, feeling an emptiness inside, and more..

Examples: Grief, disappointment, terror, etc.

Think about when you fall down & you scrape your knee. If it isn’t cleansed, it will get infected

Ignored soul wounds will fester into bitterness, rage, and roots of darkness that can take form within us allowing demonic entry into our lives.

Dinah’s brothers allowed their pain to become rage and this manifested into darkness through deception, murder, thievery

Steps to revealing & healing: 1. Revelation: First we must reveal the soul wounds that we have buried deep within us over years of pain and the calluses we have developed as defense mechanisms.-Read Psalms 24:7-8 & pray for revelation

2. Repentance: Not allowing God into areas of our lives, even the most painful of wounds, is holding them as idols of our lives.We are repenting for our own sins (also, the sins of others) that have caused these wounds, and for the sins that have spiraled after burying the wounds. Read Acts 3:19

3. Forgiveness: Forgive yourself, and forgive anyone who has hurt you- Read Matthew 6:15

4. Restoration: Allow the light of Christ to shine on this wound, completely erasing the darkness and all sin that has manifested from it. -Read Ephesians 5:13-14

Receive the healing that has already been given to us by the blood of Jesus! It is finished!-Read Isaiah 53:4-5

Receive the rest!!! Our healed souls find rest by giving our lives, struggles, circumstances, etc. to Christ & taking His perfect and blameless life upon ourself.-Read Matthew 11:28-30

He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His Name’s sake.”-‭‭Psalms‬ ‭23:3‬ ‭TLV‬‬

God restores our souls to Himself. He shows us how to walk in righteousness towards Him and away from pain, sin, shame and darkness! 

My Surrender Moment

Walking in the darkness
I shiver against the cold
My life
So very, very alone
The alarm rings, rings
Loud in my head
I should not be here
This is not me
Yet I fight the urge to leave
Because here is better
Than there
Where
Everything fell apart
I tried to control my own life
But nothing ever went right
Betrayed by my family
It hurt
Left alone by my fairweather friends
They wanted me
Only when I was ‘fun’

But it hurt
And sometimes the pain showed
except no one likes a sad person
No one hears my silent screams
No one gets me
No one seems to understand
My demons locked inside
Became my only friends
So I left
I walked away
Better yet, I ran
From the hurt
The pain
The sorrow
I left the narrow path
And entered the scary land
Why me?
Why does everyone always leave?
What is so wrong about me?
I cry
I yell until my throat
Bleeds
And the loneliness
Overwhelms me
The voices,
The demons begin to whisper
“You are nothing”
“No one wants you”
“You are ugly”
“You are fat”
“No one wants you”
“Feel ashamed”
“Feel ashamed”
“Feel ashamed”
The terrible things I have done
Lock me in a cage.
“Nothing and no one could ever truly love someone like you”
The voices tell me their my friends,
And I listen.
“Drink this-you’ll forget”
“Take that-you are invincible”
“Throw up your food-you will stay beautiful and thin”
No!
Stop!
I can’t take it any longer!
I am suffocating!
So much death all around me

My baby
My family
My friends
Why was I left alive?
Why, terrible me?
I should not be.
The voice whispers
“Grab the knife”
I’m drunk
I hate everything
So why not?
“It’s quick and painless”
I drag it across my arm
Oh no!
I have never done this
And it’s deeper than I thought
Crimson red
Gushes out of my arm
I see my blood.
And suddenly remember
Jesus shed
Crimson red
So that I
Could live forever with Him.
What have I done?
Is it too late?
Lord I need you!
Forgive me,
I have sinned
So so much.
You are all that is right in my life
Father, please save me!

Finally, I see a light
In my dark world.
My cage of shame is destroyed
And You take away my pain.
You cradle my head on the bathroom floor
In Your arms, I am held tight.
Your tears hit my cheek
And it is then, that I realize
You have been with me
The entire time

You held my hand
You screamed my name
Through all the voices,
Through all the pain.
I was looking down and all around,
When I should have been looking up.
You kiss my wound
You wipe my tears
You fight off my demons.
No more cold
No more darkness
I am set free
You lift me up and tell me
Sweet daughter, I love you
Goodbye to temporary happiness,
I am filled with eternal joy
Because of Your truth
It gives meaning to my life
I am weak
But You are strong
And even though I fall
You promise to always pick me up.
Jesus Christ
By dying,
You have rescued me
Sovereign Father
Redeemer
Above all,
You are holy.
This is a little piece of my testimony that pushed me to finally surrender my life to Christ in February 2014. Written by God through me during a 2014 summer mission trip in Santa Cruz, CA.

My “He loved me at my darkest” tattoo covering my scar from the suicide attempt & my beautiful daughter, Isabelle.

God supernaturally saved me in that exact moment, not a minute too late. God knew then the beautiful life awaiting me right around the corner of all the darkness. Now I’m a mommy. Now I’m a wife. I’m a child of God. I’m a friend, daughter, aunt and sister. I’m somebody. And I’m loved. So are you!

 Don’t let the present troubles keep you stuck. There’s more to come. Don’t give up! 

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Please reach out to someone if you or someone you know is depressed, anxious, has suicidal thoughts, or just feeling mentally overwhelmed. You are not alone. 

Don’t hesitate to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: tel:1-800-273-8255