“Where are we going?” Hot or Cold

I looked down to see a compass spinning wildly in front of me. “Where are we going?”, my spirit asked Papa God. The needle spun rapidly clockwise then jerked back in the opposite direction. It was completely directionless. Which meant I was too. Then came the gentle reply, “There’s something blocking its connection to the earth’s magnetism.” He spoke it to me like an observing companion, and the realization dawned on me instantly.

There is no direction because something is blocking the connection.

We both peered underneath and a magnet was hidden beneath the compass causing it to be demagnetized from the right source. In this visual encounter with God, as much as I wanted to will myself to pull the magnet away from the compass I couldn’t because it was a vision not intended for only me. After the visual encounter with Jesus, I asked Him what the deal was. I felt Him say,

This removal of the wrong magnetic source, and reconnection to the true source was an act of repentance that we would have to do collectively as the body of Christ.


Praying into what exactly “the wrong magnet” severing our connection could be, I heard the Lord say “live by FAITH, not by sight.” We are looking for direction from the world, from the things we can see with our physical eyes, and not living by faith. This is why the compass spins violently in every direction, with no clear objective to move towards.

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

For we live by faith, not by sight. 
We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him,

2 Corinthians 4:17-18, 5:7-9a NIV (emph. added)

I feel this pull from the Lord, a longing to simply hold our faces between His hands, willing us to just look at Him. I believe He is moving us into a time of making the ultimate decision to be ALL…or nothing. To lay down our lives, our will, our desires, our dreams and to live our lives for Him no matter what lies ahead.

We are facing a fork in the road that looks a lot like a compass spinning out of control. “For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace as in all the churches of the saints (1 Cor. 14:33)” So if God isn’t bringing confusion, then something else is. We are in a time where we are challenged not to look at what can be seen, but at what is unseen. I sense one aspect of this confusion and lack of direction that we are experiencing is coming from the constant outlets of information and escapes from reality flowing around the world that are feeding our bellies with malnourishing food. The media is happy to give you direction right now, your panicked family members telling you how you should be reacting to the global pandemic, and even countless online Christian ministries meant to give you encouragement in this crisis; all of these can easily become the magnetic attraction your compass is pinned to. The result of our main source of direction coming from the horizontal (the physical) instead of the vertical, our personal relationship with God, will end up in not being able to see the direction God has for our lives anymore.

In this case, we are walking by sight and not by faith. We are living our life out of the affirmation of the channels around us, receiving information that feeds our souls in one way or another, and basing our purpose and perspective off of what we can see in the physical. All of this instead of seeking God for what He is doing in the unseen in our own lives and in the world. Living by sight and not by faith. And when we do this, we are displeasing to God. God has called His Bride, the church, the body of Christ to live by faith (Hab. 2:4, Romans 1:16, Galatians 3:11). In Hebrews 10:38, the scripture tells us plainly that if we don’t have faith, God finds no pleasure in us. That sounds harsh but it comes down to relationship. When we claim to believe in Him and yet we put our faith in the world, we are like an engaged woman who prostitutes herself on the side for easy money to take care of bills, food, pleasures, etc. Our Betrothed has endless riches He is waiting to pour out on us if only we accept His invitation of marriage, and yet we are trying to make a few dollars by giving away our everything to things that can never fill us completely. We can say that we love Him, but we can not truly love Him if we are putting our faith in the world.

So going back to this very basic, foundational concept of the Christian faith of actually having faith, the Lord reminded of Revelation 3:14-22. In context to the vision and the word, “live by faith and not by sight”, I wonder if we are facing ourselves at present as being a lukewarm body in whole. We must be either HOT or COLD. Being lukewarm, Jesus will spit us out as we face Him in these times to come. And He directly connects lukewarm to being satisfied with our comfort and success received from the world, which in His eyes is wretched, poor, blind and naked. As Jesus tells us in verse 19, “be zealous and repent.”

We must get back our zeal for the Lord. Getting back to earnestly desiring God alone, and earnestly going after loving Him with our entire being overflowing out of a daily revelation of His great love for us. Earnestly go after loving people like Jesus from every political party, economic background, nation and denomination regardless of how different they are from us. Completely compelled by love. So be zealous and repent. We must also repent, change our minds, turn away from our lukewarm ‘faith’. Repentance is something to be excited about! Turning to Jesus is not condemning at all but it is the greatest joy there is.

Are we on fire or ice cold? Are we all in or not at all?


Now, I know that I’ve spent a bit of time referencing scriptures that I felt confirmed this encounter I had with the Lord. This is because I had a strong sense that we, the body of Christ, need to get this immediately. Thus I tried to lay a foundation on the Word, so thanks for bearing with me for those who continued reading!

As followers of Jesus, we are His Bride. He waits patiently for us to leave our family, leave our belongings, and walk down the aisle to at last be married to Him and only Him. He delights in you. You are so beautiful, so lovely to Him. The cross is a perfect picture of just the eternal degree of lengths He has gone to show His love for you. He rose from the grave to conquer sin and death for you. He went up to Heaven so that He and the Father could make their home with you. He left His Holy Spirit, the Counselor, Comforter, and Compass to empower you with His Spirit equipped with His supernatural gifts to be Christ’s hands and feet on earth: healing the sick, raising the dead, casting out demons, feeding the poor, loving the fatherless; to be like Jesus. How can this be? The Infinite wants the finite to become like Him? The King wants the wasteful runaway to be a co-heir with His Son in His Kingdom? He loves you, with an everlasting love. And He is coming back for you. He is coming back for His Bride. That’s why this is important, to reject our lukewarm nature and be all in with Him.

Listen to me, O royal daughter; take to heart what I say.
Forget your people and your family far away.
For your royal Husband delights in your beauty;
honor Him, for He is your Lord.

The bride, a princess, looks glorious
in her golden gown.
In her beautiful (multi-colored) robes, she is led to the King,
accompanied by her bridesmaids.
What a joyful and enthusiastic procession
as they enter the King’s palace!

Psalm 45:10-11,13-15 NLT (emph. added)

This is our confidence. That we, the bride, the princess with many colors on her robes, colors representing every nation, tribe and tongue on earth, will soon be united as one body with our Bridegroom. We will walk by faith and not by sight. Our compass points us Home.


I do not own rights to this image. I can not find who created this beautiful artwork, so I can not properly give credit. But I see the signature @arte_carde, the little figure on the corner, and am blessed for the piece of art!

We know in part, and we see in part. So test all that I’ve said with the Lord for yourself. Ask Him questions, and listen for His response. He is your Source.

Mirrors and Chains

My head hangs a little as I look down at the dark ground. The first thing I notice is fog curling at the edges of a mirror in front of me, reflecting my old faux-leather combat boots. Behind that small one sitting on the ground, is a floor length mirror reflecting all of me. Beside those mirrors are rows and rows of mirrors encircling me. As I slowly turn around, utterly bewildered, I can see every angle of myself. It’s dark all around what I assume is a room, but I can’t really see where walls would be. It’s all just…darkness? Something like a spot light is shining directly down on me, as if I’m in some teenage clothing store’s dressing room. In fact, that thought brings a flashback to when I was fourteen standing before a mirror not so different from the one in front of me.

In the memory, I was at a local mall with my aunt shopping for new, trendy clothes for my first day at a public high school. I was transferring from a Christian private school, and I was terrified. This was my first time to even try on clothes at a store like this. A dimly lit teenage clothing store with paper thin models in swim suits, loud music, tight-fitting clothes and perfume clouds seeping out of the main entrance. I knew this wasn’t me, but I also knew this was the type of style the kids had at my new school. So here I stood with a size small covering me like a second skin. I refused to go up a size because the thought of wearing a size ‘Medium’ formed a knot in my throat and an onslaught of hot tears. I stared at my reflection and hated everything I saw looking back at me. Two years before that I stood in front of another mirror in a bathroom and thought for the first time that I was fat. This night I was at a twelve year old’s Halloween birthday party in which I made my own cute witch costume. I loved being creative, and honestly we couldn’t afford to buy one if I wanted to. My hair had gotten so long and curly. This was a time in my life where I first felt my body changing, maturing, and thought to myself that I was becoming a beautiful young girl. At the party there was a ton of pizza and I was trying all the different types of it because, I mean-do I even need an explanation? Come on, it’s pizza! But this young boy whom I had a crush on sat across from me, and laughed with a friend of mine while I ate. I smiled thinking he was just saying something funny to me, but then my friend yelled across the table, “he’s laughing because of how fast you’re eating!” It doesn’t sound that sinister, but the thought that food consumption could be something that made others look at you funny hooked a twisted self-image into me that grew into a mental prison over time. That night, at twelve, for the first time in my life I went into the bathroom crying. I looked at my reflection, turned to one side, and sucked my stomach in. I remember wondering if I could manage to stay focused on breathing ,in a way that wouldn’t make my stomach extend in and out while also continuing to clench my abs together, for the rest of the night. No more care-free eating, Lacey, for the next seven years of your life. I was caged inside the self-image nightmare with the name “Eating Disorder” branded on my sticking out collar bones.

So there you have it. Mirrors. And here I was again, standing before hundreds of them, big and small, and all around me. Unsettling. Yet this, I knew, was merely a vision. Honestly mirrors hadn’t bothered me much in a long while. Not since, Jesus crouched down and set me free from my eating-disorder prison at age nineteen. That was almost seven years ago now. Having two babies, gaining the weight, and dropping it in a healthy way was so healing for my soul on top of that radical deliverance as well. Now at age twenty six, food is normal, food is necessary, food is healthy, food is down right delicious- most of it anyways. Truthfully, sometimes I eat too much chocolate after my kids go to bed. Nonetheless the thought of running to the bathroom to purge what I just binged does not ding into my mind like an unwelcome fruit fly. No more starving myself or binging/purging. No, you see, that stronghold of fear of man and self-image has no authority over my life any more. As a matter of fact in this vision right now, the woman looking back at me looks rather ticked off. Hair, a blonde curly mess. Eyes, squinted in frustration. Lips curled in a snarl. Yeah. Okay. I see you.

This entire mirror worshipping, self-image enslavement culture, has been breathing down our necks for too long.

In this vision I am surrounded by every angle of myself, with mirrors yelling at me to criticize myself and step into the psychotic appearance mantra. Whether it’s an eating disorder or the deceivingly simple “just worrying what other people will think” continuous mindset, self-image is a consuming god that wants all of your worship. The only problem with it is, you were never meant to be afraid of man. Engraved self-image is what the media vomits over us every second of every day, but it is a deception. And thankfully there is light in this darkness. If you want to see your true reflection, look into Papa God’s eyes. In the vision as I look at my many reflections, I am filled with a holy anger at the familiar lies coming to choke out the freedom Christ intended for every person to have. I sense Holy Spirit here with me. He puts a baseball bat in my hand and tells me, “Have at it.” I’m filled with anger at that the thought of the countless girls and boys riddled with so much anxiety and fear that they can’t even see reality when they look at theirselves anymore. So many young people afraid to dream big and do what they are passionate about, what they were actually created to do, because it doesn’t fit into the duct-taped success box society stuffed them inside. So many people living every day completely consumed with fear of what others will say or think about them if they make one move that goes outside of the cultural norm. Enough is enough. With Holy Spirit’s words I give it a go. I begin smashing every single one of those self-image mirrors until there’s nothing but dust and fog. No more. The war on inaction has begun. No more sitting idly by while the walking dead roam the earth. I used to be a zombie, until the Cure found me. Jesus. Searching for temporary satisfaction, but now I found the real thing. Jesus. Whether it’s freedom to eat a salad or freedom to eat dessert. Whether it’s preaching the gospel on a stage, or praying for a crippled man to walk on the streets. I’m done worshipping my image and being afraid of man. I’m out here smashing mirrors. And it’s so not about me. It’s about God. And what He created us to have. Perfect relationship with Papa God through Jesus. That’s what you call, life, and life abundant. It’s not about me. It’s about you. God so loved..you. Don’t waste another thought in your mind thinking otherwise. Grab that lie and take it by the neck to kneel before the King on the throne of your heart. Jesus. Watch Him crush that slithering snake’s head before your eyes.

As I stand in this place with a baseball bat still hanging from my right hand, something tightens around my neck. It’s a thick chain that you may have seen a dog tied up with. The mirrors are gone, but now this is closing around my neck and pulling me back. I can’t yell and am losing the ability to even breathe. My nails dig into my skin as I try to loosen the hold on me, but I’m not strong enough. Suddenly I see Jesus standing before me. His eyes are wide and looking into mine. As if talking to a spooked child he gently steps toward me and says, “Put your hands down and let me take it off you.” I relent, and He pulls the chain up and over my head with ease. I can breathe again and I have my voice back. Jesus says, “This chain was shame.”

Shame. It chokes the life out of us. It keeps us silent. Shame holds back confession and stagnates change. It quiets a song and extinguishes a warrior’s battle cry. We were created for open fields with hair flowing in the wind. We were created to dance, laugh, love, scream just because we’re happy, run, skip, climb mountains, do the things, enjoy life with God, enjoy life with people, follow God’s wildest dreams, walk in His power and love. This is the garden that we can return to with Papa God through Christ.

I believe the Lord gave me this vision to identify some strongholds hindering the church in this season. Self-image and the fear of man, along with shame. It could look really glittery and religious. In fact it typically is. Jesus called them a “brood of vipers” when they tried to tape good fruit on their rotten trees. He’s after that heart transformation, that freedom from the inside out. But religion also institutes self-image and fear of man as well. It could look like a really bright and fine thing to quench the Spirit and trade in just an inch of your freedom in Christ to submit to the religious norms around you. Like conforming your appearance, your behavior, your words, and dreams to the degree of what’s acceptable by those around you, to the patterns of this world, is really the ‘right’ thing to do. Maybe it is. But maybe it isn’t. And maybe God is wanting you to let Him break through with freedom and release you into a greater revelation of the knowledge of Jesus Christ. No need to fear whatever mirrors surround you. Holy Spirit is with us, empowering us to walk out the fulness of intimacy with God. Maybe He’s offering you a baseball bat today and releasing you to smash some mirrors or empower someone else to smash theirs. Ask Him. Jesus is so present, so willing to take your shame and give you His inheritance. The First born inheritance is no joke, ya’ll! Let’s press in to God and go after walking out the full inheritance package Christ died for us to have. We don’t worship a dead god, no! Jesus is ALIVE. The tomb was empty. We need to quit looking for Jesus at the grave. He’s not there. Life. Life. He came for life. Let’s embrace it. Let’s embrace Papa God, Jesus, Holy Spirit- three in one. Talk to Him about all things. There’s so much He has for you, you only need to look up.


“No more livin’ for the culture, we nobody’s slave”

Evangelical Sisters of Mary

I didn’t know what to expect when one of our leader’s announced the opportunity to stay the night at the evangelical nuns’ monastery a few towns over from our base in eastern Norway. Regardless, my spirit leaped at the thought of staying away from kids, school, and the busy missions life for a few days in solitude with the Lord. I had preconceived ideas about nuns, and I expected they wouldn’t speak much English so I planned to stay in my room and pray or fast for most of my time there. The Lord didn’t explain why I was to go, He only whispered,

Go. Come away with me.

Boy, was I in for a treat.

Most of our team went together that Saturday morning. The plan was to stay there until dinner; eating with the Sisters, praying and worshipping with them, and gardening/helping out on the grounds. After about an hour long drive, we pulled into Kanaan Land and immediately I felt the presence of the Lord amidst the soft silence coating the oasis. Interesting. I knew then that I had no clue what the Lord had in store for me here.

All was quiet and still, yet the Lord was so near. His whispers were close enough for me to feel His gentle breath touching my ear. After a long day the team went home and I stayed the night there. I had the most amazing time at Kanaan with these three Sisters of Mary. It was a weekend filled with great conversations, Heavenly worship and prayer times, and timely revelation. The sisters love Jesus, they live in His peace, they love people, and in summary they brought an important part of the body of Christ that I’d never known was necessary. What exactly was the difference between this place and other ‘holy grounds’ I had visited? Churches of all different denominations and cultures, Christian conferences, baptisms, prayer gatherings, worship sessions, you name it and I’ve probably been to whatever ministry event you can think of. I’ve seen radical movements of the Holy Spirit and even experienced touches from God that took me to another place. And yet still in all of those wonderful, real encounters with God in both private times and public, there was an aspect of God’s nature that I had never quite dug deep into. The peaceful stillness that comes from God’s divine silence.

Silence is a foreign concept to my generation. We are always sharing our feelings with others, always speaking or typing out our experiences, and always listening to music, sermons, podcasts, and television. The noise is our normal. Our brains are constantly stimulated by words and our mouths, always pushing out every random thought that enters our mind. We are so adapted to the noise that silence actually feels like “the bad guy”. After living your life in the stimulating noise, brief periods of silence can grab your hand and walk you to the edge of the cliff that feels like madness. Here’s an example once describing my reaction to silence.

Silence falls and immediately your mind will wander, as questions and thoughts surface. Soon the thoughts go from shallow things like to-do lists and turn introspective as the silence prompts the depths of your heart to come out and reveal hidden insecurity, fear, pain, and doubt. Suddenly your ears are ringing from the sound of silence, your mind is racing, your heart is beating, and your throat tightens with anxiety as depression falls in an instant from your revelation of your own brokenness and sin.

You see the lie here is that silence is not normal, that it’s bad or makes us crazy. Where the ways of this world is noise, the kingdom of God is silence. God created life out of silence (Genesis 1). Silence is our resting place with Him. Silence rebuilds the God-given boundaries in self and relationships that sin and ignorance destroys. As for our mind’s initially chaotic result to silence, our brokenness was never meant to be a cage holding us hostage within our minds. God’s intention in creating us was not for us to live in fear of being alone with our thoughts. Christ died to set us free. Free from sin and death. Free from ourselves. It is only in the silence that we can let our minds love God. As the silence provokes the lies within, we are able to recognize and hold captive these thoughts that don’t bow down to the name of Jesus.

“For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.”

2 Corinthians 10:3-6 NIV

Silence is a space for God to begin mending our minds, hearts, souls, and bodies in Christ Jesus. This ushers us into knowing how to love God, and in return, love people-all of which is obedience. In Matthew 22, Jesus charges us with the greatest commandment being to love God with all of our heart, our soul and all of our mind, and we can not love Him fully if our minds are held captive by our thoughts, feelings and emotions. I have not yet attained this fulness in Christ, yet I press on alongside you in this journey (Philippians 3).


Finally, I would like to peer into the typically watered down concept of the stillness of God. So often we reference being still before God, but what does it really mean? What does being still look like? Is it having “quiet time” each morning as we read a quick chapter before the kids wake up? Reading our Bibles each day is our bread, our nourishment, and is completely necessary for abundant living. However, that time with God is not the same as being still. Most know the familiar story of Elijah running from Jezebel and ending up in a cave. God asked Elijah why he was there, and by Elijah’s response we can see that his mind was greatly resembling my previous example of a toxic thinking mind: insecurity, doubt, fear, and pain. So God tells him to go out and stand on the mountain because God is about to pass by Elijah (note: this mountain is Horeb the same one that God first descended upon in terrifying wonders to the Israelites after the Red Sea). A mighty wind, an earthquake, and a fire all shake the mountain with force before Elijah, but God wasn’t in any of that.

“and after the fire a still small voice.”

1 Kings 19:12 NKJV

The word used here for ‘still’ is Hebrew, דְּמָמָה (demamah). Demamah means a whisper that is calm, silence, and still. God’s whisper is silence. To be still before God is to be silent. It is in that silence, which surpassed all the natural wonders Elijah witnessed on that mountain, that God whispered in silence the truth that set Elijah’s mind free. The revelation was birthed in the whisper. And again we see God create life out of silence.

I challenge us as the body of Christ to dare to step back into the quiet, the pure stillness of God. To schedule times in our week of pure silence, to be still and know that God is God. No worship music in the background (as a worship leader I know well the need for worship, but that is not what we’re discussing here), no sermons, podcasts or other feeding tools for Christians-all of which are beneficial parts of our walks with God. In these divinely commissioned appointments of silence, just be in the presence and bask in the soft caress of divine silence. Let the Holy Spirit guide you on the journey in your mind. As your brokenness and hidden sin become revealed, receive forgiveness and let the blood of Jesus wash you clean. Let God become your stronghold (Psalm 27). In that silence you will discover ancient gates within that have yet to be opened so that the King of glory could come in, it is there Jesus wants to dwell with you-all of you. Here in the silence, Jesus is waiting. For you.


Lazarus (my son) kneeling before a statue of Jesus in the Sister’s prayer garden

My retreat at this monastery was an incredible refuge along the way in my journey with Jesus, and I can’t wait to visit the sisters again! If you would like to learn more about Kanaan land and the Evangelical Sisters of Mary here in Norway, check out their website! (They’re main location is in Germany and you can find that English translation here.)