Meaningless, meaningless

After a few weeks of walking through spiritual fog, I had had enough. I was still intimate with God, but I was growing weary of not being able to see where I was going. I knew what I was getting myself into when I stepped out onto the waters. That still didn’t change the fact that my flesh has been screaming at me to turn around and go back to where I came from.

Between alternating work schedules, recording/editing YouTube videos, ministry events, and just flat out financial dryness hindering date nights, my husband and I haven’t had much alone time. Which is why on Monday we talked non-stop as we drove two hours east to a family member’s home. That seemingly small moment we shared was like a crack in the sidewalk ruptured with grass and flowers. A bursting forth of who we really are and what we were always meant to be. Our children slept for the majority of the way and we totally flourished in the lengthy yet fleeting conversation. During that ‘selah’ moment, God highlighted our joint vision for our family and reminded us of the calling He has over our lives. We realized how distracted we had become in the day to day busyness. Those flourishing sidewalk cracks of rest allow the rebuilding of creativity, dreams, and visions to be started up again.

The next day I went to an evangelism class at our church on a whim. That in itself was a miracle to get the kids and myself there so randomly but also efficiently. Ten minutes into the class and my eyes welled with tears. The class was specifically on digital evangelism! It was all about tips and counsel for spreading the gospel of Jesus through social media and blogging. Talk about confirmation. That’s exactly what I am doing through this blog and my YouTube channel. Though the enemy will whisper to me that I’m not doing much, God says,

“Obedience over outcome”

It isn’t about the amount of likes or followers I receive, that’s the outcome that I am not intended to presume on (Proverbs 27:1). Obedience is simply me walking out the great commission to make disciples of all nations through whatever means possible and impossible (Matthew 28:18-20).

In all honesty, this season of life is odd for my family. Odd isn’t the best word, maybe…unfamiliar? Let me try putting it this way: We are walking in the promise land that we’ve been praying for, but at the same time, fighting to push out the enemies inhabiting our promise land.

One example being after I got home from that amazing class at church, our family car broke down in the driveway! What are the odds, right? But the situation didn’t shake me like it would have in the past. After all God had been revealing to me, I was too pumped at the prospect of watching God work a miracle with my car. And later that night, He fixed it!

In this new place, we are claiming and witnessing victory, but also marching around the same city over and over again while waiting for the walls to drop. When is the outcome complete? When does the final finish line appear? I know one answer to that would be when I take my last breath, but I think on a more micro level, what my soul really longs for is rest. Rest from the noise. Rest from the constant battle. Sometimes life can feel like one thing after the next, “sunrise to sunset”. As Solomon puts it in Ecclesiastes 1,

“Meaningless, meaningless! Everything is meaningless!”

Solomon describes life on earth, and how minute and temporary all of our tasks are in the grand scheme of things. “What does man gain by all the toil at which he toils under the sun? (Ecclesiastes 1:2 ESV)” Then later he says that everything we do under the sun is “meaningless and a striving after the wind (Ecclesiastes 1:14 ESV)”.

We all have that inner knowledge that there is something more. And there is, right? What is the point of life if everything we do is meaningless? It can all feel so hopeless, and that is why the world we live in today is plagued with hopeless people. My past self included. Of course, life is only meaningless when we are striving to find something that has already been given to us, or attempting to pay a debt that has already been paid. The truth being that Jesus is the way, the truth and the life (John 14:4) and He has everything we need. Anything outside of Jesus really is vanity. No success ladder or tower of Babel will give us the gift of the abundant, meaningful life that is found only in Jesus. It is so easy to lose sight on what we are really doing here on this planet-experiencing intimacy with Christ and intimacy with people. Relationship.

That is why the special moment of rest on a spontaneous road trip with my husband was so critical. It plunged us into further intimacy with Jesus which in return took us deeper with each other. And my favorite part of all, we were reminded of the call from Christ to lay hold of that which He has laid hold of for us.

“But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.” (Philippians‬ ‭3:7-12‬ ‭NKJV)

There is more to life, an abundant life found in Jesus. We have access to it all, and we can only appreciate it all in our moments of pausing and resting. So mom’s, lock yourself in the bathroom today and just breathe for a few minutes. Take a random road trip with your family, soak up the scenery, and search for animals in the clouds. Put your phone down, close your eyes, and hum along to the heart beat of silence. Rest in Jesus is important. Prioritize it and you will thrive in it.

I just started a phenomenal new book, Finding Spiritual Whitespace: awakening your soul to rest by Bonnie Gray. This book goes into detail on the rest that we all need! You can start your journey to rest in Christ through this book by purchasing your copy here !

Subscribe to my life on instagram , twitter , Facebook , and worship with me on YouTube !

June’s Worship Playlist

I’m starting a new thing here. I lead worship for Rest Yourself Ministries in which we have monthly women’s bible studies, events, and other fun stuff. We keep in touch through an e-mail chain and we basically share encouraging words and scripture with each other throughout the weeks. Over the past few months I’ve been sending out monthly worship playlists filled with songs that are really powerful for me in that season. I figured why not start sharing with all of you amazing people?

So here goes my top worship songs for June:

This is a playlist on my YouTube channel with worship songs from several different worship leaders. You can easily click on the top left corner of the video and it will take you to another tab in YouTube where you can add the playlist “Hope & Joy” to your own YouTube channel. The music in this set is all about hope and joy, and the songs are totally rocking my world right now.

Here are the songs with my personal descriptions:

-“Mount Zion” by Jonathan & Melissa Helser

This song is so beautiful, because it’s what our entire hope is in of what’s to come through Jesus!

-“Explode my Soul” by Melissa Helser

This song is such a heart cry. It’s one of my all time favorites to sing to God when in feeling heaviness on me

-“I Raise a Hallelujiah” by Jonathan & Melissa Helser

Wow this song! If there was one song to sum up my life right now it would be this one. This song is a weapon! Use it!

-“Reckless Love” by Cory Asbury

Most of us know this song. But in the version on this playlist, Cory shares his testimony and what the song was written about. Listen and it will transform the song and reveal God’s love for all of us in a new, powerful way for you.

-“On the Shore” by Jonathan & Melissa Helser

This is a big one for me right now! Love, love, love it. I have it on repeat! It’s all about reclaiming our joy and healing our souls.

-It is Well by Kristene DiMarco

This song is a big time heart cry. Saying “it is well” over and over again makes your soul bow down to the spirit within and transform your perspective.

-“Take Courage” by Kristene DiMarco

Another song to sing to your soul in order to have yourself line up with God’s truth! This song is a battle cry! “He’s in the waiting!”

-“God of Miracles” by Bethel

This is a popular song in the church, but this version is SOOO powerful! You have got to listen! Bill Johnson stops in the middle of the song and shares the testimony of where the song came from. Then he challenges you to imagine the places you need a miracle in and sing it again. It’s SO anointed and powerful.

LOVE YOU ALL! Pray that y’all have a victorious week

P.s. JUNE 29TH I will be performing some of my ORIGINAL WORSHIP SONGS at Kindred Coffee in NRH 7-7:30! There will be several other musicians playing throughout the evening so it’ll be super fun. Come worship with me and grab a coffee for a fun fun night

Listen to my new original song about trusting God and believing in His promises here.